"I will not leave you as orphans..."

The poorest country in the western hemisphere, hit with a massive earthquake and it still shows 4 years later.
Places half torn down or half built up. People not able to finish rebuilding because the money ran out.
Broken. 

 

Going, I knew it would be the poorest place I have ever been, but I didn't understand until I got there. It wasn't the normal poverty I was use to seeing.  I've been to third world countries, I've lived and worked in the middle of slums, but nothing quite prepared me for this poverty.
 
Babies driven in the back of truck 14 hours down the mountain because his mama has to give him up so he might live. 12 year old children who cannot read because school is too expensive. 9 year olds weighing 15 pounds because food is scarce.  

The poverty and brokeness, devastating.
The babies, beautiful. 

One thing I have learned: kids are kids and they desire to be loved. No matter the country, language, or skin tone.  No matter their eye color, hair color, or social status. 

Walking into the orphanage for the first time I cried. I cried because the realization that these babies don't have mamas to hold them and love them, to tuck them in at night and kiss them all over their faces. They don't have mamas that rock them to sleep or rub their backs when sleep won't come.


"I will not leave you as orphans, I will come to you."

"For my father and my mother have forsaken me, but the Lord will take me in." 

Many times I can't see how their situation will get better. Why won't He allow me to just take them all home? 
  
"A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling."

God's heart is orphans. Not a single one of them goes unnoticed by Him. And even when the situation of these precious little once seems hopeless, His is still God. He is still good. And He still holds them in the palm of His hand.


So while I was able, I kissed their sticky faces and brushed the flies away that they couldn't and I pray that they will know love, the love of the Father poured out on their precious lives. Because God, the God of the universe cares for them. And how will they know if they have not heard. And how can they love if they have not been loved. 

Beloved, You Are Beautiful

So this post today comes from my own struggles with self-esteem this week as well as helping some friends of mine through self-esteem issues. 

This week I and a few of my friends have been dealing with self esteem issues.  I mean what girl doesn't?  But last night I was really really struggling because of some things that someone said about me.  So I sat down with my Lord, my Maker.  As I was having time with my Lord, I realized the reason I was struggling with self-esteem was that I had taken my eyes off me Maker.  My eyes were on things of this world.  I was thinking about how I wasn't as pretty as the tall, skinny girl that sits next to me in not one, but TWO of my classes this quarter.  I was thinking about why I wasn't being asked to winter formal, but my roommates were (and everyone else that I know).  I had my mind on what I was going to wear the next day, because everyone knows that only girls who dress cute get noticed by guys, right?  The more I sat there and talked with my Maker, the one who knit me together in my mother's womb, I realized that is not where my thoughts should be.  If I had had my thoughts on my Maker, I would not be worried about all these things that make me doubt myself.  If I had had my eyes on the Keeper of my heart, no one's words could have hurt me because I would have remembered that I was fearfully and wonderfully made.
 

We as women get so caught up in the lies that the Devil shouts at us, "YOU AREN'T GOOD ENOUGH. YOU AREN'T PRETTY ENOUGH. YOU AREN'T WORTHY OF LOVE. YOU DON'T DESERVE A MAN'S LOVE BECAUSE YOU ARE FLAWED. DO YOU REALLY THINK A MAN WOULD EVER LOVE SOMEONE WITH A BODY LIKE YOURS?"  Beloved listen to me, NONE OF THOSE LIES ARE TRUE!!!!

 You ARE good enough. You are not only pretty enough, YOU ARE GORGEOUS. Did you hear me? Maybe I should say it again, YOU ARE GORGEOUS. You are worthy of love. You are deserving of a man. For goodness sakes, a man came to die on a cross for YOU! He left the most beautiful place ever created for a sin infested world and hung on a cross so He could spend eternity with YOU.  I mean, can I get an AMEN?  And let me just touch on this body image issue. That man I was just talking about, the one that died in your place because He loved you so much, He is also the one that created you.  He knitted you together in your mother's womb.  He has never failed....EVER, so I know with 100% certainty that you were not a mistake.  He takes great care in everything He makes.  You can look at the birds and the flowers to see that, so why would He not take more care in the ones that He fashions in His own image.  He made YOU exactly the way He wanted you.  So don't for a second let the Devil tell you that God messed up on you, because HE DID NOT. 

The destroyer of souls tells us those lies because he knows that is where he can attack women of God.  But all that should matter is being caught up in the glory of our Father, the one who takes great care of even the smallest details of our life.  When you feel like giving up, when the weight of the Devil's lies get to be so much, give them to your Maker.  He will carry your burden for you.  Run to His arms when you are hurt for they are a safe haven.  He wants you to tell Him the details of your life.  He does care about the little things as well as the big things.  And Beloved, never forget that you are beautiful.

Why I Gave Up on Guys (And no this isn't a rant post)

If you know me, you know that I am a huge traditionalist when it comes to relationships.  I want old fashioned romance.  I want old fashioned chivalry.  I want the first guy I date to be my husband.  I don't want to hold hands until I am engaged or kiss until my wedding day.  Poor guy who gets stuck with me, right? 

I vowed to God I would not date until I was out of high school. And I didn't. High school graduation came and I hadn't once been on a date. Freshman year of college I didn't date either. The Lord had not brought anyone into my life and I was content being single. This April I went on my first date. Nothing came of it and I was OK with that. Then this summer I found myself searching. I was wanting a relationship and I was wanting it right now. I was wanting a relationship with a guy more than I was pursuing my relationship with the Lord. 

I also realized that the expectations I had were so high that no human could meet them. Ha! Do not misunderstand me. I am not wanting to lower my expectations, just change them so I don't miss someone the Lord has for me because....Oh man, you don't play guitar....sorry I can't date. Or you didn't propose in a big enough way...so I'm gonna have to say no.

So I have set a few goals for this year without guys...yes a whole year! Until August 17, 2014.

1. That I would fall more in love with Jesus that I ever have before
2. Contentment in being single 
3. Spend this time pouring into freshman girls, especially since I won't have a guy taking up my time
4. That the Lord would change my expectations of romance, of men, of relationships. Change them into what He intended and not what this crazy hopeless romantic thinks they should be

So here's to an amazing year! May the Lord be glorified!

Kati C. 

Yes, Lord, I Will Trust You Without Borders

As many of you know, my family and I are moving to the Dallas area. This is our tenth move in 6 years. My parents are not fond of Louisiana (where we live now) so they are OK with the move. I, on the other hand, have just gotten where I feel comfortable here. I have friends. I have a best friend for the first time in my life! So I am comfortable here. I really don't want to go, but the Lord has made is incredibly clear that I am suppose to go. Go where? I don't know. I just know that I am not suppose to stay in Louisiana.

So in my searching of where I am suppose to go I have applied to 2 different schools. One in Dallas and one here in LA. I have been so confused! Do I go with my parents or do I stay in LA. At the school here in LA, I would have friends. I mean that is where my best friend is going! It would be easy! But in Dallas, I would not know a single soul! But I have done that many times. Moving and making new friends is no big deal!

In all my confusing and searching I was trying to think of how things would/should work out. How God would work all things for the good where ever I went. So basically I was trying to figure out where would be most comfortable for me/try to be superwoman and do it all on my own (which I seem to do often and God continues to teach me that I can't do that...)

So yesterday, it was my last time to worship at our church which I LOVE! We sang a song I hadn't heard before. Oceans by Hillsong United.

You call me out upon the waters
The great unknown where feet may fail
And there I find You in the mystery
In oceans deep my faith will stand

I will call upon Your Name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise
My soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours and You are mine

Your grace abounds in deepest waters
Your sovereign hand will be my guide
Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me
You've never failed and You won't start now

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Saviour

I will call upon Your Name
Keep my eyes above the waves
My soul will rest in Your embrace
I am Yours and You are mine 

I love this song! It was such and encouragement to me and very much needed yesterday. They verses that stuck out to me I put in bold. "You've never failed and you won't start now" A reminder that in all of the 9 moves, I would NEVER give up one of them! EVER!! So if He hasn't let me down in 9 moves, why would He let me down with number 10? 

And the other verse that stick out was, "Spirit, lead me where my trust is without borders, let me walk upon the waters, wherever you would call me." And going along with what I said before, if He hasn't let me down in 9 moves why would He start with 10? So why am I reluctant to trust him with this move?? 

So my prayer is that I would learn to trust my Father with everything! I would learn to trust without borders and I would be willing to go wherever He calls!

Following His lead,
Kati C. 

Favorite moments from the week

We call this the poop line. =)

Night on the town

Play time with my babies

Favorite pic of the week! By Far!!

Last moments holding my sweet Abner

Saying goodbye

What is a mission trip without crazy people???

Sweet Abner

Our amazing intern, Megan

Ovideo!!

This baby walked for the first time while we were there! So exciting!

Mischievous Vilma!

We had an amazing pediatrician with us! Such a blessing! 

Hope and Heartache

The last day at the center was a doozy...

Having to say goodbye to my sweet babies was so hard. How my heart aches to just take all these babies home and raise them as my own!
I often question God on how long I must travel overseas and come back before He allows me to devote my life to serving overseas. I have know for a long time that I was not called to the United States so leaving the States only fuels that fire. But as I was questioning God this week on how long I must wait He reminded me yet again that He is faithful and He is worthy of my trust. He is worthy of my praise. He is my Rock, my Shelter. He is the healer of the broken-hearted. He is the healer of broken bodies. He is my comforter. He is trustworthy. And I WILL trust Him. He has a plan for my life. And He has a plan for these kids lives.
Most of these kids have been through more heartache in their lives that I will go through my entire life. But even though my story is so different than these kids, our God is the same. And just like He is all of those things to me, He is all of those things to those precious babies as well and He WILL take care of them.

Another passage in Matthew that stands out to me when I think of these precious babies is Matthew 6:25-34.  

 

"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life ?

“And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."

 

So even though I only got to raise these kids for a week, I give them back to God. I entrust them in His hands and know that He is so faithful. He is so trustworthy. And I know He will take care of these kids and protect them and protect their hearts. So I have hope that even through the heartache that these kids will face and the long way that some of them have to go to be healthy babies again, my God will take care of them! 

All for His glory,

Kati C.

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Oh Poop!

Well, first of all I apologize for not posting while I was in Guatemala. We had some crazy days!

So I will catch you guys up on all of the happenings of the week!

First off, can we just talk about poop, poop, poop, and more poop. Oh also projectile vomit and snot. Tuesday, our second day at the center was a tough one. All 13 of my babies had diarrhea, one vomited, and the rest had so much snot!
That day we probably changed 50 dirty diapers. I wasn't thrown up on, but cleaned up 5 children covered in vomit. And then right after I sat down after cleaning up vomit, I picked up a child and poop started pouring out of his diaper and onto my pants like I had turned on a faucet...

Tuesday was the hardest day to say the least. Not just because of all the poop, but because the reality of the situation of these kids hit me. That morning I helped with bath time and as I was undressing my baby, Abner, the reality of how skinny he was hit me. This baby has no meat on his bones and no muscles. As I picked him up to place him in the bath I just started crying. I had to hand him off to the nanny because I couldn't handle it.

As we were headed back to the hotel that day and the day was hitting me, a verse came to mind. I know it is a cliche verse for a mission trip, but it gave me hope that even in the short days that I was there, I truly had a purpose and God will use this time. Matthew 25:40 says, "For what you have done to the least of these you have done unto me." I am so thankful that even in the midst of all the poop and vomit and snot, all of it was use for HIS glory!

All for His glory,
Kati C.